What is the Answer?

What is the Answer?

Ruminating in my imperfections, I sat
Vowing not to make the SAME mistakes . . .  again!
“How could I waste such time?”  I thought
Yet here I am, alone with God, crying out to Him!

Those harmful, risky patterns – of doing what “I want,”
Will they never cease to taunt me?
Like an ugly reflection in darkness of soul
Will they always come to haunt me?

And yet I see, it’s not enough to let
Passing time to be the process by which I heal
Forgiving myself, and others as well
Brings me a light – an outlook new – re-energizing zeal!
Unworthiness, and “should haves,” does bog my ailing soul.
My mind a willing actor . . .
Takes my thought life hostage; seizing up control
Must that always be a factor?

Feelings are hard to ignore, it’s true,
There is a time for grieving; then it should cease
Contrition will grow assurance within
I’ll act from Love – not failures past – my fears I can release.

Wallowing in this self-pity, reminds me of my lack.
It’s only God who keeps me.
Oh, my failure to see HIM – embrace who HE is
It’s all about HIS mercy. . .

“Destructive patterns, be gone!” I say
What someone has done, I must let pass
I own the blame for my own response
I learned for sure – what I shouldn’t want – what I should, will last!

This post was shared at the Wellspring:  Come viste these awesome sites where God is shared! http://www.lauraboggess.com/2011/08/playdates-with-god-perspective.html   
And also at Jen’s site:  SoloGloria  blog Hop  (Finding Heaven)    http://findingheaventoday.blogspot.com/

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Let Your anointing cover me

My Passion is Praising the Lord with my music!

God Gives Songs in the Night, but you may sing this one at any time!!

Let Your anointing cover me
In Your presence let me see
Your Glory and Your righteousness
Now and always I will bless
Your precious name, Most Holy One
Your precious name, Most Holy One

Verse I:
Oh, Father God, I honor You
With humble heart and worship true
You alone forever reign
I praise Your Holy, Mighty Name

Verse II:
I know Your Name, I trust Your Word
And when I pray, I know I’m heard
Your loving kindness cannot fail
You are God – You shall prevail!

Verse III:
You’ve sent me forth, to be Your hands
Meeting needs, as Love demands
To enter in, Your Hope I bring
Until Jesus Christ becomes their King!

Nancy Kehr  08-27-2011
This post was shared at: http://www.lauraboggess.com/2011/09/playdates-with-god-praying-from-book.html
This post was also shared at: Bonnie’s Faith Barista site:  Please visit and view other inspiring posts!

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Stolen Childhood – Conclusion

Rejected, Abandoned, Abused . . . . . . Part 4  Conclusion

Without warning, all those random memories deluged my mind, one afternoon as I strained to remember a particular thing about my childhood!

I had not had that clear of insight in years!  As a child, I am not sure I could have verbalized them.  Watching the “movie” in my head,  it occurred to me the “set-up” that had been planned for my downfall since my earliest years. 

Thank God for His precious Holy spirit!  On so many levels, life rarely turns out how any of us think it should it.  The enemy of our souls is set for our destruction, but GOD knows how to deliver us out of it. 

Good beginning or bad, The Father  manages to shine His light into the situation – into our lives!  If only we’ll grab hold of it.  Even a child CAN do this.

Angels watching over children!
Vague memories of an angel appearing at the foot of my bed kept me encouraged.  Did I really see an angel, or did I dream it.  I can ‘t say for certain.  I only know that it gave me the courage to keep HOPE alive while everything around me fell apart. 

I can’t really say I had much of a childhood.  And…carefree – what was that? I was allowed to grow up but there was no nurture.  Daily existence was rough on a little spirit.

Over the years, God let me know that the important thing was that HE approved of me!

”In HIM I live and move and have my being” was like an IV drip to sustain me!

Psalms empowered me with the fact that HE was the strength of my life, even when my father and mother abandon me.  

Early experiences shape our response to our world and to God, but ultimately, God has to train the unrighteous thinking out of us all.  What ever time it takes, He reshapes us into HIS image and after HIS likeness.

My fear became confidence in His ability through me.  Neglect and sorrow gave way to appreciation and worship.  My stubbornness became steadfastness, and I traded a lack of foundation for a life built on The Rock.

Yes, I know those years occurred, but now, it’s like a story told to me by someone else. 

With God I changed things in MY generation and I trust my children will do the same!
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Stolen Childhood Part 3

Rejected, Abandoned, Abused…………..Part 3

You’re not my daughter if you don’t get all “A”s.   She hated hearing those words from a father whom she barely ever saw.  Her jaw tightened and she tried to suppress the tears.  What a disconnected thing for a father to say!  Didn’t he understand?  After all, a “B” grade wasn’t THAT bad and besides it’s hard to get “A’s” when you have to be absent so much in order to take care of your mother, brothers and sister!  

No one ever approves of me!  Will I EVER be Okay?

“Mr. Ono was in a plane crash! “
Those were hard words to hear.  Sitting in orchestra that day, the tears fell hot and heavy. The girl would never see Mr. Ono again. His plane had crashed while he was on the way home from his vacation. Something felt like it had been ripped from her very insides!  He had been so kind and helpful.  She loved orchestra and had learned so much under his kind guidance.  Besides coaching her on the violin, Mr. Ono started her on the viola and cello as well.  Now….there was nothing…..  She came home late that afternoon only to find out that her father had taken her siblings and left.  Gone?  Where to?  Her mother didn’t feel very well and was also crying. There was just the two of them. 

She guessed she’d better get a job.  
Who would hire a seventh grade girl?

Rejected….Abandoned …..Alone…. again and again……

Stolen Childhood Part 2

Rejected, Abandoned, Abused…………..Part 2

Another new house.  This one had a yard, and someone brought home a furry-little-white-ball-of-a-dog.  The girl called him Snowball.   He was certainly something to snuggle and to love – it felt good!  Shortly thereafter, a strange uncle had also moved in.  He had a bright idea to help clear weeds from the backyard.  Being from a farm, he just set fire to the weeds, never considering that it could also affect the fence.  The fence burned down, and as the fire crew arrived, the small dog ran into the busy street and was hit by a car.  No one seemed to care as she cried and cried over the lost pup – her only Friend.  “Go to your room and be quiet!”
Alone again…..

The Kindergarten day was too short!  In Kindergarten, she could be one of the other children.  While she was there she didn’t have to be occupied with thinking about taking care of two other kids or hearing her mother complain about how bad she felt. She loved to sing, and the teacher let her lead almost all the class songs.  In first grade, she even got to be in the Easter Pageant!  The class made Easter Bonnets and memorized a whole lot of music for the event.  School was good.  So was Sunday school – she even got to sing solos!

Music Lessons, voice, accordion, piano…..this six year old was in heaven!  The teacher who came to their home said she tested so well and had perfect pitch.  Then, almost as soon as it all began, everything was removed.  There was no money to pay for these things and Mother was not feeling well again.  The six-year old girl walked, unaccompanied to the store, church, Good News Club and, just about everywhere else.  Still she sang.

At Good News Club.……..there was some more relief!  She was part of a team.  Girls and boys were divided up into Red or Blue teams and competed by memorizing Bible verses.  She was Captain once or twice.  No one helped her at home, but she had a good memory.  She looked forward to Vacation Bible School which was right around the corner from the good News Club – still quite a walk for a 6 year old.   Bible stories were a favorite, but not before she found she had a flare for crafts part of the event. Her mother had spent some time teaching her to sew –hemming, to be exact.  Before she even felt confident, a bunch of curtains were thrown her way….. What an uncomfortable chore!  VBS was so much better – AND – she got to keep whatever she made…for her very own!  No one criticized. 
Acceptance………Self Acceptance…..Maybe I am Okay
To be Continued tomorrow at:  http://www.songsatnight.blogspot.com/ 
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Stolen Childhood Part 1

Rejected, Abandoned, Abused…………..

A week went by and this newborn baby hardly saw her mother.  The nurses in the Naval hospital cared for her judiciously while trying to encourage the mother to see her.  Mommy refused!  The reason?  This new mother was disappointed that the new baby was not a boy!  Such malicious seed sowed SO early!

Mommy and Daddy cannot agree on a name for their little girl.  Mommy is irritated at the circumstance.  Daddy seems to pay more attention to the new baby than to her.  The emotional distance between mom and baby widens.

Eighteen months later, a little sister was born.  Now the little girl was the BIG Sister and mother depended on her to be able to do more things for herself than might have been physically possible at that age – but that didn’t matter, you see, Mommy had a new baby!  This time she wanted a girl. And besides, Mommy didn’t feel well a lot of the time. 

Another 18 months – it’s a boy!   Good thing the firstborn is already three.  She is expected to do a lot of everyone’s bidding AND care for the little sister. Not a lot of time to play when you have big responsibilities!  The house needs cleaning and that vacuum is so hard to figure out.  The broom is so tall and the sink is still so high.  Well, someone has to take care of things ‘cause Mommy doesn’t feel well quite a bit of the time and Daddy’s gone a lot. Finding something to eat is another story………
Rejection…….  Neglect…..Abandonment……Abuse!

A bright little 4 ½ year old hopped aboard a train bound for Denver.  She even remembered the name – The California Zephyr!  During the ride, she and the little sister were allowed to run through the train by themselves to get to the “dome” car so they could see the countryside.  There they sat, all by themselves, feeling very grown up.  She wished her Daddy could be here.  He always made her feel safe and when he was around she did not feel like she has to worry about her mother so much.  And….it was hard to make her little sister mind!
Rejection………Neglect…………. Abandonment!

Now Grand Poppy was a nice enough old guy even though he always wore his hat. Yet, he always seemed to make the little girl feel a bit funny.  She couldn’t decide why.  Didn’t he always let her eat a lot of his diet “candy,” Aids?  Even though it was only for a visit, Mommy was often pre-occupied, so Grandpa was expected to watch the little girl.  He snoozed and she wandered over to the nearby railroad tracks with little sister.  There they played for hours, sometimes hardly even noticing the train whistle in the distance.  Then they would scramble off the tracks and watch the giant locomotive whiz past.  Did anyone wonder where they were?
Rejected…….  Abandoned………..Alone……..
To be Continued tomorrow at:  http://www.songsatnight.blogspot.com/ 

Todays post was shared at One Word Carnival.  The word is Childhood. 
http://peterpollock.com/2011/08/childhood-blog-carnival/   Please visit to view other great posts!

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Crabby Wanda – repost

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Saturday morning came early, but we were up for it.  Perko’s had their early morning breakfast special for those who could make it between 5am and 8am.   Randy and I scrambled, because we had a date!  A couple of things popped up just as we were leaving home, so and we didn’t quite make it on time.  Nuts!
We decided to stay anyway, and have a simple breakfast before tackling all our weekend errands. The place was packed!  A veteran’s group was in the banquet room for a special meeting and most of the tables all over      the restaurant were full……. except for one.
She sat staring out the window, coffee in hand.  My view of her was partially blocked by some rowdy good ‘ole boys who talked to each other as if they were deaf!
Randy and I ordered but my gaze kept going back to the well-coiffed senior citizen sitting alone across the room.  I contemplated her for a bit, and then, almost before I realized it, I was already up and running, while calling out to Randy that I’d be right back.  He knows me by now, and just shook his head, smiling.
She seemed surprised as I approached her table.  I introduced myself and asked her if she would allow me to pay for her meal.   She appeared a bit startled. 
“Wh-wh-why?” she asked, eyes wide open connecting with mine. 
Her hair was perfect and she was well put together.  Obviously she didn’t need ME to pay for her meal. 
I told her that I’d like to be a blessing to her and let her know God loved her.  We exchanged names, chatted a little more and then she consented, still wide-eyed.  I patted her hand, took the check and proceeded immediately to the cashier.
At my explanation of whose ticket I was covering, the cashier said,
“Who?  Crabby Wanda?”
Wanda was her name, so I said yes.  A couple of restaurant staff started to chuckle.  Someone was paying for Crabby Wanda. They told me she was always crabby, so they gave her that nickname.  Apparently she came everyday for the breakfast special – always alone.  She had been there longer than usual that morning,
“Well, now maybe she won’t be so crabby anymore,” I said brightly as I finished paying.  
They quit snickering, and asked if I was doing this because it was the Christmas season.  I let them know that I thought it was important to live “Giving” all year long, and that people had to be on the lookout for opportunities.
The opportunities are always there. Often they are not grand or press-worthy.  That $6.33 was a small investment.  Hopefully, at least three people’s lives were touched.  
This post has been shared at: Bonnie’s site at:   http://www.faithbarista.com/2011/08/the-penny-man-guest-post-by-paper-angels-author-billy-coffey/#more-11402  
Once in her site, scroll down for all the other entries.