I Thought He Was Killing Her!

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I Thought He Was Killing Her!

My mother was choking and there was nothing I could do!

Screaming and commotion caught my ears, and I jetted into the house from the outside! Arriving in time to see my father holding my diminutive mother against the wall by her throat, her feet dangling, I joined the rest of the kids yelling and pleading,

“Let her down . . . stop it….let go of her . . . please….Daddy don’t hurt her!”

We all screamed and cried at the top of our voices, but he seemed not to notice. His jaw was set, teeth clenched, with eyes revealing the epitome of rage! He pressed in harder toward the wall.

Thoughts flashed. “Need a knife! The kitchen! Can’t leave her!”

I’m not sure what finally broke the trance or caused him to release her, but I remember attacking him with all my might just before he did. I didn’t care for myself and knew there might be retribution later.

Overall, what a horrible, horrible sight for a child to have to see!

My mother had been ill most of my young life and now that I was twelve, she was exceptionally weak and fragile. Her story was a bit like the woman in the Bible who had suffered everything at many physicians’ hands, and nothing worked but she only grew worse. My mother had been a guinea pig for the medical community, for sure.

Evidentially, life, as my father had planned, had not gone as he expected. There were always hospital bills, and bills for medications. Four young children and a sick wife needed his care. All of us suffered – not just him, but the smallest thing could activate his fury. He was gone most of the time, but when he was at home, we all walked on eggshells.

His favorite expression was “You worthless kids…” And then he would go off on some tangent about how we never took care of anything.

Things happen in a household. Things break. Cheap things are just that, cheap! They fell apart easily, yet we were made to feel like ungrateful dogs.

Trust? I didn’t trust him or anyone else. Although he had his good side, and was even loving and kind, there were other times, when irrational behavior struck, it was like a Tsunami. These days, the medical community would classify it as Bi-polar and put him on meds!

Extended family was always a mystery to me. We were kept away from any who tried to intervene and help. In recent years, I became acquainted with an uncle who told stories of their own father’s untamable rage. Apparently his dad tied some of his sons to a chair in the barn and left them there for long stretches of time. Periodically, he’d return to whip on them like a crazy man.

That was my father’s father! Eventually, that man, my grandfather, was crushed by a reaper on his farm – paralyzed – never to regain health or work the farm again. He died younger than necessary and all of his sons did their best to leave the farm.

That generational curse plagued my father. Over the years, the image of my mother jamed against the wall, helpless to deliver her-self, has haunted me.

When challenges arose, I would see myself pinned against the wall – helpless and hopeless. What was the point? Although I didn’t understand it at the time, rejection had projected a tap root deep into my heart and was sucking the life out of me!

Inescapably, like a thick, disturbing, murkiness, foreboding hovered over me throughout my childhood.

Did I understand oppression or depression? Not at all, but I knew something was amiss. As a kid, my breathing was always abated and my neck ached. At times, I couldn’t think or concentrate. I remained “on-guard”, always.

No wonder it was so hard to trust God! Yet, when I cried out to Him, He intervened.

Expecting that He was the only ONE who could get to the mess and DO something, I kept throwing myself on His mercy! I didn’t know much, but at least I didn’t run from Him.

Through the years, it has been one foot in front of the other. That’s called “walking”. That’s what we do, walk, and NOT draw back.

There is only ONE cure for the type of junk that the enemy throws our way! It is called Immersion. Immersion in The Word. I chose to jump in and haven’t looked back since. Not all of my siblings were so lucky, but I can say they had the same opportunities I did.

My image of hanging helpless in life has now been replaced by that of my Jesus! He hung, nailed and tortured, and died in my behalf. Then – – He rose!

There’s a song that says, “Mighty Warrior, dressed for battle…Holy Lord of all is HE! Commander in Chief, bring us to attention; lead us into battle to crush the enemy! For he has no authority here in this place – -“

Power, might and dominion are mine because of JESUS!

Because of Him, it is my absolute pleasure to present myself for duty, to tear down the evil strongholds that hold others captive. I delight in doing my part as an intercessor.

Not limited to the prayer realm, intercessors can take to the streets too!

As God directs and equips, even YOU can reach in and pull people out of their hell-holes. Hallelujah!

If you’re “hanging around helpless,” feet dangling, make an exchange. Do it now!

I John 4:17 defines us. As Jesus Christ is, so are we in this world. You have been empowered and energized. Arise!

This song says it all:

This post is shared at my Foster Mom’s site: “Tell Me a True Story.”

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I Have Set the Lord Before Me

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I Have Set the Lord Always Before Me!

Words for a catchy, bouncy-type chorus with an audience echo:

I have set the Lord, I have set the Lord (one and two, three four-or)
Always before me, always before me (one-two-three four-or five)

I have set the Lord, I have set the Lord
Always before me, always before me

He is at my RIGHT hand, and I shall NOT be moved
Therefore is my HEART glad – My glo-o–ry rejoi-ces!
And my flesh shall rest in hope; my flesh shall rest in HOPE!!

I have set the Lord, I have set the Lord
Always before me, always be fore me

I have set the Lord, I have set the Lord
Always before me, always before me

He is at my RIGHT hand, and I shall NOT be moved
Therefore is my HEART glad – My glo-o–ry rejoi-ces!
And my flesh shall rest in hope; my flesh shall rest in HOPE!!

I have set the Lord, I have set the Lord
Always before me, always before me

I have set the Lord, I have set the Lord
Al-al ways be—for–ore me!

From Psalms 16: 8

This post is shared at:
“Tell Me a Story” http://letmetelluastory.blogspot.com/

It’s A Beautiful Day

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IT’S ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY!

I know that devil hates it
the moment you wake up

I know he even hates the
very coffee in your cup!

He doesn’t like the smile you
have upon your face

And you irritate him always,
because you walk in Grace

He hates it ‘cause you know just
exactly who you are

A Child of God and righteous,
a bright and shining star

You’re not the normal person who
lets the devil be

You use the Word of God and
the devil has to flee!

Your heart sings out a Praise song
a warrior’s mighty cry

The devil has an earache
you won’t listen to his lie

All day long you hold fast
and drive the devil back

No wonder he’s glad to see it
when you finally hit the sack!

Nancy Kehr 11 03 11

This post is shared at “Tell Me a True Story.”

I Am His Little I AM

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Seems, as a kid, I always lived in dread of the other shoe dropping.

It puts a person on continual edge.  I was really thankful for being able to learn about God’s Merciful and Fatherly qualities.  It helped me develop a trust in Him as my Father God. So, I wrote a song as if a little child was telling someone naa-naa- you can’t get me! Make up your own tune and sing along – – – –

I Am His Little I AM

I am my Father’s glory,

I am His joy and pride

I march right into the throne room

I run right up to His side

I try to be just like Him

In all I do or say

I’m spoiled and I know it,

But He loves me anyway!

Oh, I am His little “I Am”, I am!

Runnin’ around the throne

In the Name of my Big Brother, Jesus

I make all heaven my home

I am His little “I Am”, I am!

Some say I look just like Him

I am His little “I Am”, I am!

I am, ’cause He lives within!

Oh, I am ’cause He lives within!

by Nancy Kehr

 

Outcomes are God’s Specialty

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“Dear Nancy,

Thank you so much for the prayers. I’m holding up. Thank you for taking your time to check up on me. It’s nice to know that people who aren’t even blood-related care about my well-being.

I haven’t heard from my Auntie in Stockton since I moved out. I lived in a couple of places and then with a family friend in for bit…… had to change my plans.

I couldn’t find a job, and since my Aunt didn’t keep her promise, it was hard finding one – without a car. . Most jobs were not close by.

All that said, I’m back in Hawaii now, a little disappointed – doing a plan B. I decided to enroll in a college here. It’s just that there were no jobs available in Hawaii and I felt I would have a better chance on the mainland. That is why I came originally.

Well, anyway, if you are ever in Hawaii you are more than welcome to stay here. Thank you again. It means a lot.”

This was a note I received today from a girl that I interviewed almost a year ago. I’ll call her Cece. She had recently moved from Hawaii to her aunt’s house in California because of an invitation to attend school and work here. She found my dental assisting school and was ready to attend when suddenly the help she had been promised, along with her place to live, dissolved into thin air!

She was very distraught and couldn’t understand what happened. She had barely had time to establish herself in a new place and now, with no resources, she had to move!

Cece was far from shiftless and she certainly wasn’t a troublemaker. In fact, her mother’s sister had been using her as a maid, chauffeur and babysitter.

There was money for her keep sent by her mother, but Cece told me that she didn’t mind helping family. When it became apparent that she was actually going to start classes, everything got ugly. The Aunt told her it “wasn’t working out”.

Poor thing…. She called me, sobbing.

Although it never came down to it, we offered her a bed until she could contact her family. I kept in touch with her over the months and prayed with her for God’s direction. After encouraging her to get into a church, she received some temporary help while planning her return home.

No, she wasn’t able to attend my school. In fact, the majority of the people who call about the school are not able to follow through for one reason or another. Each one has a story and God seems to energize me with just the right encouragement for them at that time.

My phone rings incessantly with calls from people needing dental work (which we don’t do), so I do my best to route them to the nearest clinic, non-profit, or Smile-Day that my research can discover.

Yesterday, one very elderly fellow bemoaned the fact that he worked hard for over forty years and never thought he’d find himself in a place where he couldn’t pay for an extraction. I listened quietly as his frustration burned. When he finished, I heard myself saying,

“Close your eyes, because I am going to pray for you.”

“Wha-wha-what? Oh! Thank-ya… thank-ya…thank-ya”, he kept repeating.

You would have thought that I handed him a load of money. Well, I guess when you get right down to it, what he got was better than silver or gold, after all.

My husband once told me, “ Hon, for us, it will always be ministry over money.”

I know he’s right. When people do call, I am but the nameless, faceless voice that God can use to bring information, direction or comfort. They all have a need and the Holy Spirit knows just who to send. I let God be in charge of all the outcomes.

Although I had no expectations, the invitation to Hawaii sounds wonderful. Who would have thought? Maybe I will get back there one day if God lines it up.

But for right now, I’ll do whatever my hand – – or, voice – – finds to do.